Upsidasium Episode 28: Supersonic Boom or The Old Mount's A-Moverin'/Transcript
'Narrator: '''Well, Mount Flatten, still chuck full of upsidasium, the anti-gravity metal, is on the way to Washington with Rocky, our Rocky, at the helm. Meanwhile, all is not well on Mount Flatten, for hidden deep in a cave, two familiar figures and a sinister shadow are planning to blow up the whole mountain. ''(we see Boris and Natasha in the cave with Mr. Big) 'Mr. Big: '''If-if Pottsylvania can't have the upsidasium, nobody can. '''Boris: '''You're absolutely right, Mr. Big. '''Mr. Big: '''Of course I am. '''Boris: '''Only one question. '''Mr. Big: '''Yes? '''Boris: '''Why do we want it? '''Mr. Big: '''Didn't you read your instructions? '''Boris: '''They were so secret, I had to burn them before I read them. '''Mr. Big: '''Oh, then let me enlighten you. '''Narrator: '''And the two villains listened in amazement as Mr. Big told them why Pottsylvania was in a pickle. It seems that some years ago, the Pottsylvanians had started manufacturing a small automobile--the Assassin 8. '''Assembly Line Head: '''Okay, gentlemen, this assembly line is completely automatic. I just turn it on with this key. Now watch cars come off other end. '''Narrator: '''True enough, the automation system worked perfectly. Soon, dealer showrooms were loaded with Assassin 8's. This was a great success because they were so inexpensive. '''Pottsylvanian Husband: '''Hmm, 700 pazoozas. '''Pottsylvanian Wife: '''Loaf bread cost 800 pazoozas. '''Pottsylvanian Husband: '''What's the secret? '''Car Salesman: '''This new engine, buddy. It's revolutionary. '''Pottsylvanian Husband: '''What do you mean, "revolutionary?" '''Car Salesman: '''I mean, it rewires. '''Pottsylvanian Husband: '''But that's only squirrel in cage. '''Car Salesman: '''What do you expect for 700 pazoozas? Kangaroo? '''Pottsylvanian Husband: '''Okay, I buy. '''Narrator: '''Yes, everybody in Pottsylvania bought an Assassin 8, but the company's board of directors weren't very happy about it. ''(cut to board room) 'Assembly Line Head: '''Gentlemen, I gotted bad news. '''Board Member #2: '''So tell. '''Assembly Line Head: '''Car number 6,000 just rolled off assembly line. '''Board Member #1: '''So that's bad? '''Assembly Line Head: '''Pottsylvania only got six miles roads. '''Board Member #2: '''Six thousand cars? '''Board Member #1: '''Six miles roads?! '''Board Members #1 and #2: '''Hoo, boy! '''Narrator: '''Yes, if all the cars in Pottsylvania were put end to end, it would be a typical Sunday afternoon. The Pottsylvanian government decided to build a network of highways, but too late. The construction crews got caught in the traffic and were never heard from again. The manufacturers had tried to turn off the assembly line, only to find that they'd lost the key. They exported thousands of Assassin 8's to other countries, but they were made much faster than they could be carried away. Politicians campaigned on the issue. '''Adolf the Politician: '''And, if elected, I promise to solve our number one national problem--the parking problem. '''Narrator: '''Soon, every highway, street, and lane was parked solid with automobiles. In desperation, the government turned to Pottsylvania's scientists. ''(cut to Pottsylvania Institute) 'Chairman: '''Is there no answer at all, Dr. Poppover? '''Dr. Poppover: '''Yes. '''Chairman: '''What? What is it? '''Dr. Poppover: '''Anti-gravity metal called upsidasium. '''Chairman: '''How does upsidasium solve problem? '''Dr. Poppover: '''Look here. We make cars out of upsidasium. '''Scientists #1 and #2: '''Yes. '''Dr. Poppover: '''They're lighter than air. '''Scientists #1 and #2: '''Yes. '''Dr. Poppover: '''So, automatically solves parking problem. ''(Dr. Poppover lifts the glass and the upsidasium falls up through the ceiling and into space) 'Chairman: '''Doctor, you are genius! '''Dr. Poppover: '''Of course. '''Chairman: '''You are national hero! '''Dr. Poppover: '''Natch. '''Chairman: '''You are under arrest! ''(Dr. Poppover gets handcuffed) 'Dr. Poppover: '''Eh, why? '''Chairman: '''You know too much. '''Dr. Poppover: '''Oh. '''Chairman: '''Gentlemen, from now on, Pottsylvania got only one goal--find upsidasium! '''Scientist #2: '''And if somebody else got it first? '''Chairman: '''Then...''KA-BOOM! (end flashback; dissolve to Boris, Natasha, and Mr. Big) 'Natasha: '''Ka-BOOM, Mr. Big? '''Mr. Big: '''Yes, Natasha. Ka-BOOM! '''Boris: '''Hoo, boy! I could hardly wait! '''Mr. Big: '''And-and Badenov? '''Boris: '''Yes, boss man? '''Mr. Big: '''Don't forget to blow yourself up along with it! '''Narrator: '''Well, that's bad news for Boris, but even worse news for our heroes, who are standing right above him. Be with us next time for ''"The Big Blast...." (BOOM!) 'Narrator: '....or "A Many-Splintered Thing!"